R.I.P. Kikuchiyo. 2/7/88 (?) to 2/14/07

Kikuchiyo died on February 14th, around 2:50 pm. I had stayed home from work to be there, and hired a vet to come and...finish him off. Euthanise is the popular word.

Yes, he was in a bad state. On this last day, he stumbled back and forth between his perch on the cablebox--until he felt too warm I guess--and back to my bed, lying on his paws, facing the very blank wall. He hadn't eaten for a day or two. Didn't seem much interested in food, this cat who used to loudly demand food each day before mealtime with a "meow" that was more like a "bark."

On this last day he whimpered. Never heard him do that before.

Oh, Kiku. I assembled your pictures all in one file and they now flash at me as a screen saver, and I remember how beautiful you were alive. And then dead too.

Except you had your mouth open. Except you're probably a handful of kitty ashes now. Mixed together with other pets. Hope you like that.

I want you back and I can't have you. You're dead and I've had all of you I ever will. Will it ever be enough?

I feel more single now. And empty. I'm alone, but it's not supposed to be this way.

I expect to see you on the empty couch when I get home from work. I wait for a small furry animal to crawl on my lap. He purrs when I stroke him. He greets all my friends when they come to see me.

Kikuchiyo, I love you so much.